Never Sang a Love Song
by Newgirl78
Summary: I want to tell her. It actually physically hurts that I haven't. But I have this fear. I know that once I do, that's it. I can't ever imagine not having this woman in my life, so I have to be ready. I have to be ready for everything when I tell her.
1. Chapter 1

It's cold. Too cold for LA. I cross my arms in front of my chest, cursing the fact that I had to run out of the bar on a night like this. I can't go back in. Not now. At this point, I'm not even tempted by all the liquor in there, so clearly I screwed up big time.

It's Jess' birthday and all I wanted to do was surprise her. Show her how much I care about her, and how important she is to me. We've been together almost 5 months, but if I want to be honest, and well, I need to be at this point, especially after what just happened...then I'm going to have to admit that I've really been_ with _her for over 2 years. Because from the moment she moved into 4D with us, it's Jess that's had my heart.

She's crazy, and sweet, and sexy...and by some strange miracle, she's actually _mine_ now.

Things were finally going my way, and then I had to go and screw things up.

I hear the door open and shut, and before I can get my bearings, she's standing in front of me. All bright blue dress and sparkling blue eyes. Why does she have to wear a dress like that tonight? The one that makes her eyes look more amazing than ever. Eyes that look right into my soul every damn time.

Eyes that should scream at me that I'm not good enough for her.

Just like Bob did not thirty seconds ago.

She has a frown across her face, still looking so damn beautiful I want to scream. She crosses her arms in front of her chest, now mirroring my own stance and I can see the little hairs standing up on her arms from the goosebumps. Instinctively, I reach out and rub my hands up and down her bare skin and she can't resist breaking her stern expression into a smile. Do I do that to her? God, please let me always make her smile like that.

The smile is short lived, because she's scowling at me again, only this time, it's more sadness than anger. I can see the tears forming in the corners of her eyes and again I'm screaming inside. How is she this goddamn beautiful and how much longer do I have until I wake up from this perfect dream I've been living?

She's speaking softly to me now, and her voice makes my heart ache.

"I'm so sorry, Nick."

"Don't be. I deserved it." I just sigh and try to salvage something out of this horrible night. This night that I tried so hard to make perfect for her. "Happy Birthday, Jess."

She leans in to hug me and I'm overwhelmed with emotion once again.

I just ruined her party and she's still here in my arms.

I want to run away from here. Take her somewhere warm and quiet, just the two of us, and kiss her senseless. It doesn't help that her hair is pulled back off her face in exactly the same way as when we drove off to Mexico together, and now my heart is just screaming "all in" for an entirely different reason.

I've never told her how I feel.

Not really.

Not the way I should. Not the way she deserves.

I've kept my true feelings close to my heart. Guarded.

I want to tell her. It actually physically hurts that I haven't. But I have this fear. I know that once I do, that's it. I can't ever imagine not having this woman in my life, so I have to be ready. I have to be ready for everything when I tell her.

I'm not sure I am. Certainly not the way she deserves.

Because Jess is the one. She's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know that. I've known it for a long time now.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough for her to spend the rest of her life with ME. Not yet.

Her thin arms are wrapping around my waist and I can't help but get sucked into this little world we seem to have when we're together. Her silky soft hair is brushing against my neck and she smells like strawberries and her favorite Rose that I bought just for tonight. I know she's upset. I know she's crying, because I can feel her tears soaking through my thin black shirt. My hands start to roam over her back. She's so warm and soft under my fingertips and I feel like crying too.

I was an idiot in there. It's her birthday, and I, being my stupid Nick Miller self, had to get in a fight with her dad. He just makes me so furious that sometimes I can't control my anger. Mostly it's because I know he's right, but even more so because HE knows that I know he's right.

It pisses me off.

Because I'm trying. Really trying. Because this woman in my arms right now? She's the only reason my life makes any sense.

She pulls back and looks at me with those piercing blue eyes and I'm lost. I try to smile, but all I can think about is how I've ruined her day. Maybe her life, just by being in it.

Stupid Nick Miller, the stupidest of all the stupid boys.

"Nick?"

I reach up to run a thumb across her cheek, catching the tears as I go and I smile down at her. I can't resist. Because no matter what just happened back there, I'm still lucky enough to have her here with me. It's cold and dark, but with her, everything is always so much brighter. So you better believe she's going to know how grateful I am that she's mine and maybe, _maybe _she can forgive me for screaming at Bob just now.

Her expression drops again. "I'm sorry about my dad, he...he's being an idiot."

I just shake my head at her. "I'm sorry I ruined your birthday. It's not what I wanted to happened. I wanted everything to be perfect for you. I always screw things up."

"Nick, NO. Tonight was amazing." She stands on her toes and kisses me softly. "_You're _amazing. Thank you."

I'm just staring at her, baffled, when she starts to nervously bite her lip. My heart starts to race, because she has to know how that drives me absolutely crazy and her arms are around my neck now, her amazing smell filling my senses.

God, I...

That's when my thoughts get all jumbled because her words jar me into this alternate reality where suddenly everything seems possible.

"I love you."

I freeze just then, because I'm not sure if I really just heard Jess correctly. The night is so quiet around us that it's as if all the sound and air just got sucked right out of this moment.

This moment I'm not sure I'm actually living.

She's staring at me and I'm staring at her, and I think I forgot to breath, because suddenly my chest begins to burn.

That's when she starts to smile again, and I know I'm not dreaming because she repeats her words a second time. It's this breathy whisper wafting through the cool night air like some sort of song only I'm supposed to hear.

"I love you, Nick."

I'm so overwhelmed with emotion, that I just grab her waist and bend down to kiss her. It feels so right and good, and I'm dizzy with a million sensations as her mouth chases mine and her nails are scratching my neck and my fingers tangle in her hair. Then she's laughing, and I start laughing, her lips smiling against mine.

She pulls back with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. That look that I love from the woman I...

My expression falls and I swallow hard, because I haven't said it yet, have I?

She looks at me in that moment and I know. I know that it's time. Time to say what I've been wanting to say for far too long.

Because this is it.

This is my future.

Jess is the one.

I take her face in my hands and press a soft kiss to her lips, with all the affection and promises of an amazing future behind it.

"I love you, too."


	2. Chapter 2

A very strange day is ending with an amazing night at Clyde's. I'm standing at the bar with Cece and Rose, laughing about their increasingly ridiculous comments on Schmidt's questionable masculinity, when I hear voices arguing behind me. They're gradually getting louder, until the rest of the room is suddenly quiet. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I turn around, because I'm pretty sure of what I'm going to find.

I know those voices.

I know what those voices together could mean.

Nick is standing near the door to the bar with my dad, both of them gesturing frantically. I can't make out exactly what they're saying at first, but as everyone stops their conversations and turn towards them, I can hear more of their argument. Sliding off the stool, I slowly make my way across the bar.

I want to be angry, _furious_, but I just can't. Nick looks so helpless standing there as my dad berates him in front of everyone. My heart sinks because I was afraid this was coming. I panic suddenly, and I just want to run to Nick. My father's words are going to get into his head and this is going to all be over. This perfectly imperfect relationship I have with Nick is going to end and I can feel my heart begin to break in that second. I hold my breath, feeling my palms start to sweat and my heart race. I can't lose Nick. I just can't.

"You just said that you like working at this dive of a bar."

"I know that, Bob, but..."

"I'm not going to just sit here and watch you destroy my daughter's life."

"It's not like that. I care about Jess."

"You sure have a funny way of proving it."

"I don't need to prove what we are to each other. Not to YOU."

Nick's voice is so intense now. It booms across the room and everyone is still. I freeze in my spot and feel tears prick my eyes. I'm not even ten feet from them now, but I know they are so focused on their argument that they don't see me.

Then it happens.

"You're never going to be good enough for her, Nick."

That's when Nick's eyes flick to mine and in the split second that our eyes meet, I felt like I just lost everything. He can't hold my gaze and I see his fists clench as he spins on his heels. He disappears out the door before I can even move.

Stepping forward, I watch the door swing closed behind him with a thud before I turn to my father. His expression is one I can't quite place. Somewhere between petrified and smug. Maybe he was embarrassed that I had just witnessed their interaction, but all I can see is a tinge of satisfaction that he had gotten the reaction he was hoping for.

I can feel my anger rising, but my voice just shakes with undeniable sadness instead. I don't even know what to say. "Why, dad? Why would you say that to him?"

"Come on, Jess." He motioned toward the door, remorse slowly creeping across his face. "You know I'm right."

"But you're not." No. This wasn't going to happen again. I couldn't lose him. Not now. I shook my head slowly, my voice catching in my throat. "He's the best..." I swallow hard and look him straight in the eye. "He's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and now I might have lost him."

He starts to say something but stops when I hold up my hand. Turning toward the door, I throw my weight against it and stumble outside. The cold night air hits my lungs and I inhale sharply. It stings, but I don't even care. I just need to find Nick.

I glance around quickly and see him standing on the sidewalk. His arms are crossed protectively in front of his chest and he's standing there so defeated that I'm almost afraid of what he might say to me. It only takes me a few steps and I'm facing him now. I want to be angry about this whole thing, but I can't. I lose myself for a minute and shiver in the cold, pulling my arms tightly to my chest.

He must have seen me, because his warm hands caress my arms so gently and the look in his eyes right now just breaks my heart. How could my father _do_ this? After everything Nick and I have been through. He _knows_ how much I care about this man and yet, he still thinks he can come here and say all these cruel things.

My eyes travel to Nick's and I want to make everything better. I try to smile, even though I'm terrified of what's going to happen. Just thinking about Nick listening to my dad has me feeling sick to my stomach. I just try my best to make it right.

"I'm so sorry, Nick."

I don't know what else to say. How can make him understand how much I want this? _Need_ this? I just look at his sad eyes and his voice sounds so deflated.

"Don't be. I deserved it."

No. NO. I can feel my anger begin to boil again. Anger that almost gets the better of me, until Nick just looks at me and says in the most sincere way.

"Happy Birthday, Jess."

All I can do is fall into his chest and hug him. I feel a lump rise in my throat and suddenly I can't hold it in anymore. I don't want to let all this get to me, but before I know it, I'm crying and I can't stop the tears from flowing. I want to run away. I want to be back in Mexico, where it was just the two of us with no one there to ruin this amazing thing we have. I press against him even tighter and just being in his arms is making this the best birthday I've ever had. No one has _ever_ done something like this for me before. He put together this amazing party for me and now he's upset, and I'm crying, and...

I feel like the most ungrateful person in the world right now.

I want to make this right. I want him to know how amazing this night has been. I take a deep breath and pull back, looking up into his face and trying my hardest to not let him see how upset my dad has made me.

"Nick?" I feel his hand on my cheek and I'm quickly losing my resolve to be strong. I just want to curl up in our bed and fall asleep in his arms right now. "I'm sorry about my dad, he...he's being an idiot."

I hold my breath, but he just shakes his head and looks at me with those sad brown eyes. "I'm sorry I ruined your birthday. It's not what I wanted to happen. I wanted everything to be perfect for you. I always screw things up."

"Nick, NO. Tonight was amazing." This sweet and thoughtful man in front of me is worried about my _party_? I lift up on my toes and press a soft kiss to his lips. "_You're _amazing. Thank you."

I catch his eye then and really _see_ him. So vulnerable and sweet. I've never felt like this with anyone before, and I know that I've waited so long to make sure. Make sure that this would work, that we could do this, that I wouldn't screw this up. Because I've known I've wanted to be with this man for so long, that sometimes I forget that I've never really told him how I feel.

I know I should. I know I've waited too long already, but I'm so scared. I'm so scared that once I tell him, I could lose him. I've never been in this place before, where I see everything with Nick so clearly.

It's terrifying.

He's looking at me so intently now, and I can just _feel_ how well he knows me. We're going to be okay.

This is real.

This is forever.

Before I can think, my heart takes over and I say the words I've wanted to say for so long.

"I love you."

The night goes still and everything is so dark and quiet. Nick's just staring at me, and I wonder if I really said it out loud, or did I just imagine it? Nervousness takes over, so I smile and say it again, just to be sure. I can barely get it out in a whisper.

"I love you, Nick."

Oh God, please let him feel the same way. Please let me not love more this time. I can't lose him.

Before I can even have one more ounce of doubt, he grabs my waist and he's pulling me into the most amazing kiss of my life. It's like every kiss before this, he was holding back that last piece of his heart and now I can actually feel him letting it go. Part of me just wants to cry, because I never thought it could be like this. His hair is twisting in my fingers and he's holding me so close and I never want him to stop.

I pull back and smile at him, laughing softly. I don't know how he can make me feel like this with just his touch, but I love it. I love _him._

My stomach clenches for a second, preparing myself for the possibility he doesn't feel the same way.

Before I can even finish that thought I'm brought back to the moment, because his hands are on my face and he's looking at me in a way that I've never seen him look at me before.

That's when I know.

"I love you, too."

My heart clenches at the words. God, how much I've wanted him to say those words to me. I hadn't even realized how much until right now.

Nick loves me.

I collapse onto his chest and he's so warm and the way he caresses my back is so tender, I can't imagine that just a few months ago none of this was even real.

I love him.

I love him so much and I'm _happy_.

He makes me smile, and laugh, and I'm never ashamed to be myself with him. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm allowed to start thinking that maybe this _could_ be forever. I _want_ it to be forever. He's been my best friend for so long, that I can't imagine my life without him.

I'm crying again. I can't help it.

Nick Miller loves me and all I ever needed is right here.


End file.
